Relationships are everything. My two most recent (and favorite) books explore the spectrum of social ties from casual to very close. We need all of them. Family members anchor us at home, and consequential strangers support us in the world.
Consequential Strangers
Most of the people who populate our lives are “consequential strangers.”
“Consequential strangers” is a term coined by psychologist Karen L. Fingerman, who vetted this book for scientific accuracy. Our coffee person and car mechanic, our coworkers and fellow volunteers, a golf buddy, a teacher, and, probably, most of our Facebook “friends” are neither family nor close friends, but they are as important as our intimates.
Writing this book changed me. I began to understand why, when I moved from New York City to Northampton, Massachusetts, I thought about the green grocer who knew I loved Concord grapes; and why I then had to launch an “acquaintanceship campaign” to replace her and other casual connections I’d left behind. Consequential strangers bring novelty, diversity, and information into our lives, allow us to trot out different aspects of our identity, and open us to new opportunities. They keep us healthy and are invaluable when we’re sick. They fuel innovation and propel social movements, and hasten the flow of new ideas. They are vital in times of uncertainty.
Consequential Strangers was listed as one of the 15 Best Shareable Books of 2009 by the online magazine, Shareable. Reading it just might change the way you walk in the world. You might start calling waitresses by name or spend an extra few minutes schmoozing with a doorman. My hope is that you will begin to see all your relationships in a new light and make the most of casual connections you might otherwise overlook.
Family Whispering
This book calls for a new child-rearing paradigm that right-sizes kids and eases modern parents’ guilt.
Cited by the online magazine Shareable in 2014 as one of its top new books for spring, it was the inspiration for my Dear Family Whisperer advice column on Huffington Post where questions are always answered from a family perspective.
Family Whispering was initially conceived by Tracy (the “Baby Whisperer”) Hogg and I to be the fourth book in the Baby Whispering series. Tracy was ill at the time, so we knew I would finish the book without her. But our goal was to apply her common-sense philosophy to help mothers and fathers tackle a far more complex and challenging job than parenting young children: managing a family. Ten years in the making, this book is built on the premise that children should be members of the family, not its center. (You can read the Prologue, which details the book’s origins, here.)
Family Whispering is the ultimate guide to being a “We” family: focus on Us and, at the same time, protect each “I.” With a family-centered mind set, everyone matters. You will still be amazed by your kids– just not blinded by them. Everyone pulls his or her weight, not just the adults; and everyone gets attention, not just the children.
This book is filled with charts, boxes, checklists and practical strategies that will help you observe what happens between members as well as to them. Instead of seeing yourself acting on your child, you begin to grasp how each relationship influences the others. You will view common everyday challenges, like sibling rivalry and chore wars, with fresh eyes. And you will deal with them differently.