“If you’re good at relationships, you’re good at life.” – Melinda Blau
As an award-winning journalist, my “beat” is relationships. My work covers the spectrum from consequential strangers to soulmates.
My idea of good time is to think and write about relationships. Sixteen books and over four hundred articles later, I’ve come to a powerful conclusion: If you’re good at relationships, you’re good at life. I’m also good at writing, and the two passions fit well together.
This is how I got here:
As a child…
Growing up, I was “the baby” in a household of adults, and to make sense of it all, I watched the dance between people. I’d sneak out of my room, crouch on the second-floor landing, and eavesdrop on conversations between my parents and much-older siblings.
In college…
I’d roam the dorms, a warren of rooms where girls gathered in rollers and bunny slippers. I listened to everyone’s problems. I can’t remember the face, only her story.
As a young adult…
My earliest jobs were in educational publishing, editing and writing textbooks and teacher’s guides. “Learning Kits” were all the rage in 1976 when To Buy or Not to Buy, a collaboration with Ralph Nader, was published. A year later, I segued into journalism, writing my first service piece for New York, “How To Get Out of Your Job Rut.” No mere coincidence, I’d been in one myself.
In my thirties…
I had covers stories in New York, on health, sexuality, learning issues, sexual abuse, and the then new practice of family therapy. I also wrote for The New York Times, Utne Reader, American Health, and other national magazines. My work resonated with a wide demographic: GLAAD honored an article on gay parents (far from mainstream in 1993), while the American Legion gave its “Heart of America” award to my “New Family” column in Child.
…and beyond
My first book, Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Coparenting (inspired by my own divorce) was published in 1994. I was on Oprah and GMA, and testified at a Senate hearing on at-risk families. I wrote another thirteen books, some solo, some co-authored, and a few as the “ghost.” In 2001, I became the voice of the “Baby Whisperer,” Tracy Hogg, and wrote three New York Times bestselling books with her work. In 2009, I co-wrote Consequential Strangers (an exploration of social ties beyond family and close friends) and in 2014, Family Whispering a guide to nurturing our most significant others — both cited in Shareable’s annual “best of” lists. My most recent book, The Wisdom Whisperers: Golden Guides to a Long Life of Grit, Grace, and Laughter, is perhaps my best and most important, a chronicle of my relationships female friends in their 90s and 100s — and what I learned from them about aging.
Now…
Today, my words are spread by social media and consumed on screens. You can find my most recent work on this website and on Medium. My writing also has been featured on LinkedIn, Shareable, and Huffington Post, where I introduced my Q & A column, “Dear Family Whisperer.” I have contributed to other online magazines as well, including Psychology Today, BeliefNet, and Rewire Me.
This is my fourth website! Sadly, the other three, Consequential Strangers, Family Whispering, and MotherU (created with my daughter to highlight contemporary mother/daughter relationships) perished in a recent wipe-out that also obliterated this site. (Don’t ask!) Luckily, I found the time and energy to resurrect this one!
In recent years, I’ve also done a fair amount of speaking, sometimes to small groups in cozy living rooms, where I make a brief presentation and then include everyone in the conversation. Other times, I speak to large groups — teachers, parents, grandparents, anyone interested in how to have a better relationship — in other words, everyone! I’ve spoken in Paris and Brazil and hope to add other international audiences in the future. As my youngest grandson (then five) put it, “Minna [my “grandma” name], you’re so lucky that you get to go all over the world and help people learn about families.” Of course, that was before COVID!
I continue to care about relationships and to make them a priority in my own life. If you’re good at relationships, you’re good at life. Fortunately, I have lots of people to practice with: my partner; my children and grandchildren; my siblings and assorted other players in our family drama; and my friends, near and far. I am grateful, too, for the many consequential strangers I collected from my tenure in Manhattan, Miami, Paris, Northampton (MA), Washington, DC, and, for the past many summers, the Fire Island beaches.