8 Sensible Strategies to Reduce Pre-Travel Anxiety

11 June 2021: My Dream

I am frazzled and not yet packed. With me are two young women I know from the dog park. We went to the French Open, Roland Garros, two days earlier. I wonder what they’re doing in my apartment, which is dark and foreboding. Twentysomethings, my companions are fun and smart in real life, but in my dream, not helpful. They don’t care that I’m missing vital information, like what airport I’m leaving from. Searching madly for various documents, they tell me I’m “silly” to worry. I finally will myself awake. My heart is pounding.

I wish I could make light of my upcoming trip. I would love to zap myself into a Zen mindset, and let go. But the dream — a nightmare, really — leaves me with a sense of dread. 

I’ve done a fair amount of public speaking and never had the apparently common dream of standing naked in front of the audience. I think that might be less upsetting than my travel dream! 

I’m traveling four days from now. Yikes! Only four days?

When did air travel become such a chore?

Travel used to be a treat. I first flew to Miami in the 50s with my parents. In those days you dressed for flying — my father in a suit and tie, my mother and I in knit “outfits” — skirts that “gave” when you sat, matching tops, stockings and comfortable high heels (an oxymoron if there ever was one!).

When did that change — and why? A Quora contributor, Will Ferra, billing himself as a “3 Times a Round the World plus other 295 Cruises (1946-present),” answered just that around a year ago: “When did people stop dressing up for flights:

…Flying was rather expensive for the average person so the masses and way too “comfortably dressed” crowds were kept out. We all dressed up in our Sundays best with good manners, well groomed and a big smile on our faces because we were doing something very very special. Yes, flying was exiting and enchanting….

…Suddenly (fictitious names) Shirley and Lynn from Jersey or Arkansas could fly with their 7 kids to Miami to see retired Aunt Alicia for less than half it would cost driving for 2 solid days. Flip flops, sun dresses, cut up jeans, lots of patchouli oil or incense essences wafted the cabins with loud obnoxious kids running down the aisles….

I’m not sure I agree with Will (I also corrected his spelling) entirely. He blames “the birth of the Ugly American” on this democratization, but I have to admit: I still marvel that anyone would board a plane in a tank-top. Besides too many bra straps and too much body hair showing, it’s too damn cold. And, please, if you must wear flip-flops, at least wash your feet and clip those long curling toenails. 

I was never concerned about the safety of flying. It’s far more dangerous to get into a car. Admittedly, I had a slight twinge the first time I flew home from college after my father was in a plane crash. The fuselage split in two on landing, and my father — at least in his telling of it — found himself under the seats, several rows forward. He emerged unscathed, the result, no doubt of both luck and several scotches that dulled his sense and relaxed his body for the impact. 

I’ve had bumpy rides and rough landings since then. But for the most part, I feel safe when I fly. I can ignore the sartorial slobs. I can even steel myself for the waiting, the crowding, and the delays. It’s the anticipation that kills me…

So much to remember…

Okay, calm down, Melinda. You’ve made a career out of giving advice, helping people to prepare for new and difficult experiences. Traveling isn’t as stressful as preparing for a first baby. It’s not as hard as confronting a parent about abuse. It’s not as tricky as managing a tumultuous relationship. You never hesitate to take on those subjects. So, what would you tell someone else about easing pre-trip anxiety?

Advice from Melinda to Melinda…

1. Take a deep breath; you’ve done this before. You’ve flown twice since COVID became an issue, once domestically, once to New York for Paris. You’ve taken the train from Paris to Brusells. You needed PRC tests then, too. This is no different. (And it’s better: you’re vaccinated!)
2. Make a dated list for pre-travel deadlines. The difficult part of flying now is to make sure you meet everyone’s (sometimes different) requirements: the airlines, the CDC’s, the state you’re flying into — as well as — in your case — the USDA’s rules for traveling with a dog. So you can see everything in one glance, use a sheet of paper or an actual calendar large enough to enter each obligation or chore. Next to each item put an actual day: The dog has to see a vet within 10 days of departure, the PCR 72 hours in advance, and New York State requires you to fill out their form online the day before you leave. Take a photo of your calendar and/or (depending on how much reassurance you need) also enter this information onto your phone as back-up.
3. Get organized. Write down everything you have to pack and have finished by the time you leave for the airport. Clothes are easy. It’s the incidentals that trip you up, like medicines, cosmetics, Rocky’s belongings. Include your good-bye, last-minute lunches and dinners, reminders you will leave behind, and whatever documents you have to leave for your partner. Nothing is too small or incidental to list. Don’t say to yourself, Oh, I’ll remember that — it’s obvious. Nothing is. And nothing should be left to chance.
4. Start staging now. What are you waiting for? You don’t have to finish packing at this moment, but at least get a jump on it. Ideally, use a large empty bed. Choose, lay out, and fold the clothes you’re bringing. Put all the medicines and cosmetics, pens, notebooks, poop bags, crossword puzzles, chargers, and other incidentals together. I’ve never been one for fancy-schmancy packing “helpers” —it feels like something else I have to figure out. Instead, I use plastic bags to group small, loose items. But hey! if you have favorite packing aids, go for it.
5. Take your suitcase(s) out of the closet. If you’re not sure how many or what size you need, “audition” different suitcases. You’ll see which ones work best. 
6. Pack your carry-on item(s) first. It won’t matter if you forget to throw in a tee shirt or even your favorite sneakers. It will matter if you can’t find your wallet, passport, Rocky’s papers, your PCR test results, proof of vaccine —and anything else that could turn your actual travel experience into your June 11th dream. Where will each important item go? 
7. Decide what constitutes — for you — a “good” 8-hour plane trip and plan for that. Will you read, do a crossword puzzle or two, watch movies, listen to music? Do you have what you need? Pens, a charged tablet and/or your Kindle? Try to find out in advance what kind of entertainment your flight will have. Do you need to download an app in advance to access it? Do you want to download your own movie?
8. Make plans to go out for dinner the night before you travel, even if you have to get up early. That way, you’ll have to be packed and ready and can’t leave anything to the last minute. 

Wow, Melinda, thanks. That’s really good advice. I’ll do my best to follow it. 

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Afternote: Thanks to my old friend Gail who found many typos and misspellings in this article (which I’ve since corrected) and who was kind enough to tell me about them (in private)!