Melinda Blau

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You are here: Home / Blog / Coping / My Vision: A Poem Written When It Felt Like I Was Losing It

My Vision: A Poem Written When It Felt Like I Was Losing It

June 5, 2021 by Melinda Blau

Image by Felix W on Pixabay

Introduction: Time Traveling with My Gerbil Brain

My computer is a mess, and my brain is hyperactive. Everyday, I  write something other than what I’m meant to be working on.  It could be the germ of an idea or awareness, advice, a slice of my own life; a bit of prose or poetry, snippets of words.   I can’t seem to stop myself.

Worse, friends come up with ideas they want me to cover.  Like Gail, who said I should look at “Karens” and shortly after sent links to get me started.  Thanks, Gail.

When I later happen upon one of these random musings, it’s as if  I’m a time traveler, popping in on an earlier self.

Today. for example I’m supposed to be finishing a piece for Shareable.  An actual assignment.  But while trying to find a file I need, I stumble on “My Vision.”

I had forgotten how much my eyesight had deteriorated and how I worried about it getting worse.   I just had to share it (see How To Not-Write).

Being a time traveler has it’s benefits. I can see the past more clearly through today’s eyes.  In this case, literally!

Spoiler alert:  My eyesight has since improved dramatically, thanks to successful surgeries, treatments, and doctors I trust.  That’s a triumph at any age. I’ll take it.

My Vision – January, 2018

I don’t think I’m going blind

But I don’t see as well as I used to.

And I never saw very well at all.

Now my vision — its lack — makes me question

Whether to drive or Uber,

Whether to wear glasses at the cocktail party,

(That 1950s fear:  “Men don’t make passes…” )

Whether to do lunch instead of dinner.

I don’t like to “do” lunch; breakfast and brunch, even less.

The daytime is for me.

Dinner is for us.

Just don’t make me drive there in the dark.

My vision worries me, some days a lot.

Even when the fear is unconsciousness,

My vision is there, right in front of me.

Actually, not there, not dependable.

I don’t take my vision for granted – now or ever

I’ve always known it was precious,

I’ve always had less and wanted more of it

Described on my college health form as

“Fingers at 10 feet” — it was barely that

But I’ve been given gifts by this lack of  vision:

Sharp hearing (still!), a keen sense of taste and smell,

A way of seeing without eyes.

Making up for what I never had.

 

 

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Filed Under: Blog, Coping Tagged With: eyesight, personal health, perspective, writing

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Comments

  1. Mary Alexander says

    June 5, 2021 at 10:36 am

    I agree. Your sight is precious and should be maintained at any cost. Without it, you won’t see the blue skies, grandchildren growing up, reading, needlework or surfing the internet. As we “mature” it becomes a crucial annual exam.

    • Melinda Blau says

      June 5, 2021 at 10:43 am

      For me, and THESE eyes, 2-3 times a year!

  2. Gail says

    June 5, 2021 at 2:27 pm

    This piece really hits home Melin’.
    After 5 eye surgeries in the last few years I too feel that my good eyesight is just a memory. Night driving is definitely a thing of the past. ( and same here on “doing” lunch or brunch.
    Gail ( yes, that Gail ☝🏻)

    • Melinda Blau says

      June 5, 2021 at 9:53 pm

      We should have studied. Edict et, not education. Oh, wait, we practically k o was much as the docs by now — and you have a family full of them, that Gail!

  3. Holly Royce says

    June 5, 2021 at 5:50 pm

    We definitely see eye to eye on this subject.
    I have suffered from MGD(severe dry eye). Now use the expensive drops, daytime ones others a gel for nighttime only wipes. Some spray that replicates an antibiotic but isn’t one. Little plastic plugs placed in the tear ducts by a physician.
    I also had a rare chalazion that would not leave without surgery and the swollen lid was pressing on my cornea distorting my vision.
    Sight wise I am now as perfect as a woman of a certain age can be.
    Thanks to laser assisted cataract surgery.
    I had always worn one contact lense for distance and the other for near vision. The cataract surgery lenses duplicated that and I need no glasses. Also the implanted lenses are UV protective. I need only wear sunglasses as a fashion statement or to prevent crows feet.
    I have also learned C that I have two different eye rings. One many light eyed people are born with. It shows as a gray ring around the pupil and is called limbral ring.
    The other is whitish and is called Arcus senilis. Senilis . Latin for yup that’s right .. old or aging .
    I was also told I have a residual suture on one eye post cataract surgery but if I weren’t told I would never know. Therefore I am to do nothing.
    So perhaps s you will pu on your glasses and read this.
    Oh I forgot. I also have a rare situation usually only seen C in children. Something to do with the cones of the eyes. The cones control our perception of color.
    For me when I va read my va paper white Kindle the black and white print will change color sometimes to red other times to purple or yellow. Who knew?

    • Melinda Blau says

      June 5, 2021 at 9:51 pm

      Wow! Who knew is right! Just goes to show me that I’m not alone!

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