“How are you doing down there all by yourself?” ask members of my family and close friends. I do a lot of thinking about what’s keeping me sane — and what could make it worse.
So far so good. The day is marked by dog walks. One hour, one day, one week bleeds into the next. Unless I look at my phone or a newspaper, I don’t know the date. Only weekends stand out because no construction workers are outside my window.
Mine is definitely not the worst situation. It’s warm and I have a water view. At 4 pm, when the job site closes, I can sweep the concrete dust away and sit on my balcony.
Still, this ain’t no staycation. It’s a challenge to stay sane. Below, in no particular order of importance, are five coping strategies that help me.
My 5 Cs might not work for you but keep an open mind. In each case, I’ve anticipated a “yes-but” response and suggested an alternative!
Cooking. The comfort foods I’ve been making for decades, like meatloaf, spaghetti, and the herbed-breaded breasts my grandsons call “Minna’s Chicken” remind me of the continuity of life. But I also challenge myself to whip up something new at least once a week. I take time every day to plan and prepare. I chop and tweak flavors, and, when the meal is ready, I am a guest at my own table.
Yes, but I don’t know how to cook. The key is not culinary skill or having a great kitchen. It’s mindfulness — which psychologist Ellen Langer defines as “the simple act of noticing things.” Food can come from a jar or a can or a box from the grocer’s freezer. The trick is to imbue meals with meaning. Slow down and appreciate, quite literally, what you’re “feeding” yourself during this time of high stress.
Censoring the negativity. Gregg, a friend, left this comment on a recent post about housekeeping: “It’s nice to read something that is not about death and illness statistics.” I’m trying, Gregg, but it’s not easy. I’m bombarded hourly by bad news. I force myself to not watch TV news during the day. (Full disclosure: I still watch too much at night!) It’s also hard to be upbeat in conversation, but I “look for the good,” as Zelda taught me. It helps to lead with, “Please, let’s each share some good news today” or “Tell me about something that makes you happy.” The teller and the listener both benefit!Yes, but the bad news is all around us. To be sure, the daily avalanche of gloom is all-pervasive, exciting (not in a good way) and, dare I say, addicting? But too much negativity about the pandemic is its own kind of deadly virus. We have to at least attempt to minimize our exposure.
Creating. When I truly engage — while writing, for example — I dive in, and the world fades away (in a good way). I experience what Mihaly Csikszentmihaliyi calls “flow” — the zone. We are only in the early days of this pandemic. The luckiest are at home doing work they enjoy. Or handling schoolwork that enriches them. The rest of us have to create projects that allow us to invent or transform. Yes, but I’m not the creative type. You don’t have to be; just find something that engages you — that you plan and put energy into. It might be that hall closet you’ve been meaning to reorganize. My friend’s 15 year old grandaughter has taken up drawing and is being tutored on YouTube. My grandsons write thank you notes to local heroes. And if you can’t find something to absorb you at home, order in. My sister-in-law just finished the 350-piece jigsaw puzzle she ordered from Amazon and is moving on to coloring books.
Connecting. I’m grateful that I enjoy my own company and never lack for new ideas. But when I come up for air,
I need to talk. When I take Rocky out, I have “walk-and-talk” sessions with neighbors, fellow dog owners and, sometimes, strangers. Unless the other person is hard-of-hearing (often the case in Florida!), it’s fine to have conversations six feet apart. I connect with loved ones by phone, but seeing them face-to-face is important, too. I am grateful for FaceTime and Zoom. These days, I also reach out to more distant friends and consequential strangers. If there’s ever a time to tell someone they matter, this is it.
I need to talk. When I take Rocky out, I have “walk-and-talk” sessions with neighbors, fellow dog owners and, sometimes, strangers. Unless the other person is hard-of-hearing (often the case in Florida!), it’s fine to have conversations six feet apart. I connect with loved ones by phone, but seeing them face-to-face is important, too. I am grateful for FaceTime and Zoom. These days, I also reach out to more distant friends and consequential strangers. If there’s ever a time to tell someone they matter, this is it. Yes, but I am on the introverted side; I don’t like to talk to strangers. Then stick with people you know. If you have no family or close friends, turn to co-workers, gym friends, or others who are now stuck at home. Push yourself not to isolate. Psychiatrists warn that social isolation can lead to loneliness, which, like negativity, can be as deadly as COVID-19.
Checking in (with myself). When it comes to barreling through life‘s hardships, I tend to be like the Eveready bunny: do what’s needed and plan ahead. But the threat and uncertainty of this pandemic wear me down. Once a day, I use a technique I’ve written about often, the “Tell Yourself the Truth Mantra”: I take a deep breath, look around me, and tell myself out loud where I am and what’s really happening to me at this moment. It calms me and helps me stay “in the now,” so that I can assess what is and isn’t in my control. As Buddhists advise: Don’t argue with reality.Yes, but when I tell myself the truth, I feel helpless. You are helpless. We all are. The Serenity Prayer reminds us to accept the things we cannot change, to have the courage to change the things we can, and — this is the tricky part — to muster “the wisdom to know the difference.”
Thank You. Very helpful hints. Been practicing several of those myself.
Thank YOU for reading!