Dear Family Whisperer:
I feel guilty leaving my 15-week-old puppy alone. Everyone tells me to “crate” him. He’s good in his travel carrier and sleeps through the night in his crate in my bedroom. But during the day, I put him in the crate only when I leave the house. When I’m home, I put him in a wire enclosed “playpen,” but he has already climbed out twice, and I’m afraid he’s going to hurt himself. He follows me everywhere, and when he can’t, he whines. I can’t even go to the bathroom without him. When he looks at me with those puppy eyes, I melt. To make him go into his crate while I’m home feels like I’m putting him in jail. At the same time, I’d like a little time to myself. The books say “spend time” with your new puppy. New is getting old. What can I do?
Beleaguered Mom
Dear Beleaguered Mom,
When you “foster” a puppy – or a human baby for that matter – you’re responsible for a helpless being that you love and want to protect. Of course, you want to do the right thing.
The right thing is to crate him periodically throughout the day. Your dog has to learn to be alone. And because he’s already “good” in his travel carrier and sleeping crate, it seems clear that the only adjustment you’ll have to make is your own attitude!
The crate is not jail, and it’s not punishment. Make it a place where he gets special treats — like a Kong stuffed with peanut butter. And don’t apologize. Just say, “Crate” or whatever words you feel comfortable with. “Go in your house-y!” worked for me with Bogey, my last dog. In a few days, it will be “home” to him, and you’ll have your life back.
I’m a relationship expert, not a dog trainer, but I’ve followed the Baby Whisperer’s EASY method with my puppy. Letting him “S” — sleep — in the crate — helps with potty training, because dogs (usually) don’t pee and poop where they sleep.
Most important, the crate allows the newest member of the family to get used to — and fit into — your routine. Whether you are working at your desk, cooking, taking a bath, or having dinner, you probably don’t want a puppy constantly underfoot or nipping at your heels.
I urge you to consult a dog trainer or seek advice online — there are tons of sites for dog owners (here’s one example). Someone recently recommended Victoria Sitwell’s “It’s Me or the Dog” videos. Here’s one in which she gives tips on a crate training.
The good news is that your puppy is only 15-weeks old, so even though you’ve already engaged in what Tracy Hogg, the Baby Whisperer, called “accidental parenting,” this is an easy fix… as long as you take the reins instead of letting your puppy run the family.
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FULL DISCLOSURE: In case you didn’t guess….”Beleaguered Mom” is me! After several dog-savvy acquaintances helped me see what I was doing with my puppy and that I’d better take steps to prevent separation anxiety, I asked myself, “What advice would the Family Whisperer give?” I’m still working on following it…and I have a feeling I’m not the only puppy owner to face this issue!
♦ ♦ ♦
In the tradition of the Dear Family Whisperer column that initially appeared on Huffington Post, I look forward to receiving your questions about relationships and family issues via the contact page. You can also email me: melinda@melindablau.com. No topics are off limits; no real names will be used.
From past Dear Family Whisperer columns, questions about pets and family:
Sound advice
Thanks. Still trying to follow it!